she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
