wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
