were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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