are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
