He disabled his match.com account in front of me
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
