The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
