My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
