On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize