What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
