i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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