Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize