i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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