3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Kiss
Puke
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
