I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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