when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
