I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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