I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
