This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
