i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
