I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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