I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize