there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
