capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
