I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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