What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
