Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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