i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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