My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
