Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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