I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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