he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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