i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
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