i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
