Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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