we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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