Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize