So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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