I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You ruined the universe
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
