just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
