Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
