I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
