u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
