i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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