how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
