I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
