I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
