I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
