I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
