The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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