would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
