New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
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