thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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