drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I will pee on everything he values.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
