if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
