On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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