So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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