Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
