I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
These tits shall not be calmed
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
