are you still at the devil's house?
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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