It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
