i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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