he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
