I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
