when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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