This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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