I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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