Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
