I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
