Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
